The household and my non-writing friends benefitted from my mini-rebellion. I managed to get all kinds of fun things done for my media room and the living room. I got inspired by looking at baubles and trinkets and artwork. I read cool quotes which I ordered as vinyl applications for my media room. By Saturday my well was full again.
I could feel myself easing back to the office, to my writing, to my daily grinding out of words and thoughts and emotions and actions. I was in a strange kind of a re-organization mood. First up? I had to get a new weight/measurement diary going. My old one was full and the last several weigh-ins/measurements had been done on sticky index post-its.
Never one to waste paper, I scrounged my writing office for a small journal to keep track of these measurements. I came across one which I had started as a 1000 things to be grateful for (stopped at 125, but I will add more) which also had quotes in it, randomly written jottings from the ART OF WAR FOR WRITERS by James Scott Bell.
"Every moment spent whining about your writing career is a moment of creative energy lost... turn grousing into energy by writing!"
A clear reminder that whining about my writing and how slow the business side churns won't accomplish anything but valuable time wasted which could be used to be creative. Last week I couldn't face the computer. I channeled my energy into decorating the house because I could see a a tangible result. I got one. Now I know what the universe expects of me. Quit worrying about the end game, just play it.
After that epiphany, I went into my office with a dust rag and furniture polish. I dusted all my pretty bookshelves from top-to-bottom till they gleamed. I threw away old papers and contemplated my writing. I looked at one shelf and opened my prayer jar--a small gift with scripture on it--in it was one slip of paper with "That my books will one day be published" written in 2005. Yup, 2005. That slip of paper has been there for 7 years.
I refolded the paper, put it back inside the jar. Then in a frenzy of faith, I wrote out other prayers about my writing and my friends' writing and their dreams. Now the jar is full. Full of hope, faith, belief. Belief that one day my little slip of paper will be drawn out of that jar and a little hallelujah dance will occur because the prayer is answered.
When I looked at the order of books on the shelves, I discovered that I'd not put the writing books FRONT AND CENTER. They were on lower shelves, parenting books were on the top shelf, fiction books in the middle. The few writing craft and inspiration books I had were hidden behind pictures and doodads. Was I really taking my writing seriously? Really? Down deep at the gut level, at the subconscious emotional level where the mind works in wild and mysterious ways, I had not put the writing first.
I was clinging to old jobs or ways of thinking. I had how to parent and raise an optimistic child books front and center, but that job--while not finished--is clearly transitioning. I had my fun reading books in the center--yes they are pivotal to becoming a better writer, but they aren't about the business or craft per say.
I rearranged the shelves to reflect the changes and transitions in my life. The writing and craft books are front and center. I can see them and reach them easily.
The gorgeous picture of my daughter when she was 5 years old and precocious has moved to the top shelf because she is inspiration. That I--someone who had no strong foundation in life for parenthood--could raise a smart and beautiful and talented child to become a dreamer, an optimist, and an adventuring young woman is a rare gift.
She's proof that if I try hard enough, keep working on the weak and gray areas of this muddy mothering job, and persist in becoming as good an example of how to live and treat others that I can succeed. (Not that I did this alone--the Physicist has had a hand in all this but I like to think I was smart in choosing the best man for the future fathering job I had planned for him LOL).
As I rearranged books, I came across a tiny blue gem that my dear CP and friend Sharon Wray sent to me last year as a gift. I think it was for my birthday so it's fitting that I come across it during my "birthday week." As always, I had put it into my shelf with the good intention of reading it when I had time and promptly forgot. But the Universe leads me to find things when I need them most. I picked up this tiny book GIFT FROM THE SEA by Anne Morrow Lindbergh (50th addition) and turned the pages to read.
Here's a quote that stirred my soul:
"The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith. Patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach--waiting for a gift from the sea."
Now that needed to be read yesterday. Not sooner, not later. But yesterday. Because today I am moving forward with a new direction. A new plan. A new spirit. I will probably never be the most patient person in the world (ask my CPs, the Physicist, the Teen--they'll readily concur), but I can always remind myself that I can't make it happen any faster by being anxious.
And this leads me to my final quotes. Quotes which will go into the media room after they arrive.
“Around here, we don’t look backwards for very long… we keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things because we’re curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”
“All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.”
I'm back. I'm ready to surge ahead. I'm moving forward with gusto and curiosity and faith. The universe has spoken to me and the message is loud and clear. Has the universe been speaking to you? Do you listen? What has it said?