Margie Lawson: Analyze This!

Please join me in welcoming one of my favorite people, Margie Lawson, to the Veranda on Digging Out of Distraction. She's a wonderful mentor and friend to all writers. I'm super excited about her blog today and I hope you join me in all the fun!! Put your thinking caps on because you will learn something, too!! 

ANALYZE THIS!   

by Margie Lawson

I’ve always loved analyzing things, including writing.

Of the 25+ Deep Editing Analyses on my web site, the one spotlighting Marcus Sakey’s is a favorite. If you don’t know his work, but you recognize his name, you may be recalling the two-page article in RT on Marcus Sakey.

The Deep Editing Analysis below provides a preview for what I’ll present in Birmingham on July 23^rd.  Enjoy!

Marcus Sakey

THE BLADE ITSELF, AT THE CITY'S EDGE, and GOOD PEOPLE 

Marcus Sakey’s first crime thriller, THE BLADE ITSELF, was selected by the New York Times as an Editor's Pick, chosen as one of Esquire Magazine's Top 5 Reads of 2007, and won the Strand Critic's Award for Best First Novel. With his next two thrillers, AT THE CITY’S EDGE, and GOOD PEOPLE, Sakey kept the power up and electrified more readers and reviewers.

What do the giants in the film world know about Marcus Sakey? They know he writes a story guaranteed to mesmerize readers—and viewers. The film rights for all three of his novels have been optioned for film. Power-players Tobey Maguire, Ben Affleck, and Matt Damon, are buying slices of Sakey-talent—and likely salivating to play the leads.

You can count on dynamite writing craft in each of these stand-alone thrillers. My Sakey novels are mega-sticky-tabbed. Let’s dive in and check out a few of the several hundred examples.

THE BLADE ITSELF:

“I heard someone was asking about you.”

Old instincts tightened Danny’s skin. “Who’s that?”

Patrick looked up at him, the joking in his eyes replaced by something more serious, like he was watching for a reaction. “Evan McGann.”

Danny’s mouth went dry, and he felt that tingling in his chest, the sense of his heart beating hard enough to rattle his ribs. He scrambled for his game face, almost got it.

ANALYSIS: Marcus Sakey makes it look easy. Note the two STIMULUS / RESPONSE patterns above. Since Danny learns critical information in this passage, Sakey gives us VISCERAL with each response from Danny. Plus—the reader is treated to fresh writing in a BASIC response with the ‘old instincts’ line. Five words, and they carry visceral power.

After Danny hears “Evan McGann,” he experiences an EMPOWERED response. Sakey loaded that response set with SIX EMOTIONAL HITS:

1) dry mouth

2) tingling chest

3) sense of heart beating harder

4) amplifies by adding his heart could rattle his ribs

5) Danny tries for ‘game face’ to block his reaction from Patrick,

6) ‘almost got it’ -- Danny failed.

Danny knows his facial expression tipped Patrick that Danny had a history with Evan. And we all know it wasn’t a happy history.

NOTE 1: Sakey uses some clichéd visceral responses: dry mouth, tingling chest, heart-pounding. Writers have to fall back on some clichéd viscerals, but stacking several together in a creative way, building a COMPLEX or EMPOWERED response, makes it an interesting read. It carries power.

NOTE 2 with a 1 – 2 punch: 

1) If you write a strong stimulus, include a visceral hit in your response. 

2) If you include a visceral response, visceral comes first.

AT THE CITY’S EDGE:

“Ain’t you noticed, cop?” Dion’s voice was soft, his gaze weary, and for the tiniest second, Jason almost felt sorry for him.

ANALYSIS: Nice DIALOGUE CUE and GAZE CUE: It shows a good guy feeling sorry for a bad guy – and it’s tight, with stimulus and response in the same sentence.

EXAMPLE:

The Set-up: Jason’s talking to his 8 year old nephew whose dad was murdered

“Hey, buddy.”

Billy didn’t look up. He pinched the crayon harder, the tip of his finger bloodless, and started stroking fast, hard lines.

Jason took a tentative step forward. “What are you drawing?”

Silence.

Jason felt an acid shudder in his gut, like he’d put away a pot of coffee.

ANALYSIS: Sakey SHOWED Billy’s emotional response by sharing that Billy did not look up, and describing how Billy held and used the crayon. Writing ‘the tip of his finger bloodless’ informed the reader that Billy was holding the crayon so hard that his knuckles turned white. But Sakey dodged that cliché.

Extra credit awarded for fresh writing with ‘acid shudder in his gut’ driven home with the coffee-based simile. Fresh, fresh, fresh. And that simile had to resonate with every coffee drinker.

GOOD PEOPLE: Last example – a wife looking at her husband. It’s three paragraphs.

There was blood on Tom’s left hand, and the way he held it was odd, a swollen mess, the pinkie off-kilter. Her nerves felt like she’d bitten metal. She gasped, one hand covering her mouth, and started forward. Then she saw the look on his face, and stopped.

Sometimes it felt like they had known each other for a hundred years. She knew his every gesture, every expression. She could render them in her mind: the easy smile, titled a little to one side that drew crinkles around his eyes. The half-lidded head loll, lips barely parted, as they made love in the night. His precise squint when reading, meant not to bring the words into focus but to put the rest of the world out.

She had never seen the look that was on his face now. She recognized fear around the wide eyes. Pain marked in the press of his lips. And concern, concern for her, in the cock of his head and the readiness of his body. But there was something else too. A guardedness like a metal gate drawn across a store window. And through the slats, a sharp and sparkling accusation.

ANALYSIS: Strong example of a POWER INTERNALIZATION fueled by the POV character analyzing body language of a non-POV character. Sakey covers multiple stimuli and response patterns. 

First paragraph --  we see the husband’s mangled hand and pain – and the wife’s fear. 

Second paragraph -- Sakey draws the reader into the depth of their relationship, chronicling the husband’s nuanced body language and the wife’s caring interpretation. 

Last paragraph – the reader is hit with a contrast. The wife focuses on her husband’s body language – and sees fear and pain and concern and guardedness . . . and accusation.

Marcus Sakey’s writing will hook your mind, your funny bone, and your heart. Edgy, yet loaded with compassion. The reviewers, Top Read’s and Bestseller lists got it right with Sakey. Winning stories. Winning characters. Winning writing craft. My money’s on seeing his heart-grabbing stories about bad things happening to good people on the big screen.

Now it’s your turn. Post a comment about the blog – or just chat. 

Everyone who posts a comment will be entered in a drawing for a Lecture Packet from one of my online courses.

1. 1. Empowering Characters’ Emotions
2. 2. Deep Editing:  The EDITS System, Rhetorical Devices, and More
3. 3. Writing Body Language and Dialogue Cues Like a Psychologist
4. 4. Powering Up Body Language in Real Life:
   Projecting a Professional Persona When Pitching and Presenting
5. 5. Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors

Here’s another opportunity to be a Winner!

Open House for Lawson’s Writer Academy – Today!

As soon as you post a comment on the blog, pop over HERE to my web site, to attend the Academy’s Open House.

Tour the LWA Campus. Check out the cyber classroom, the Coffeeshop, the Deep Editing Fitness Center. If you are a Margie-grad, check out the Margie-grad Forums, and pick up your cyber gift.

Drop by the Open House. You have TWELVE CHANCES to WIN a Lecture Packet or Online Course. Don't miss your chance to be a winner!

Margie Lawson —psychotherapist, writer, and international presenter—developed innovative editing systems and deep editing techniques for used by writers, from newbies to NYT Bestsellers. She teaches writers how to edit for psychological power, how to hook the reader viscerally, how to create a page-turner.

Thousands of writers have learned Margie’s psychologically-based deep editing material. In the last six years, she presented over sixty full day Master Classes for writers in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand.

For more information on Lawson Writer’s Academy, lecture packets, on-line courses, master classes, and the Immersion Master Class sessions offered in her Colorado mountain-top home, visit:  www.MargieLawson.com.

Heart of Dixie Online June Workshop: Okay... I Confess....

Another fun Heart of Dixie Online Workshop. Learn how to make money by doing the things you love to do!

Okay... I Confess: Watch TV, Shop at the Mall and Surf the Internet to Make Money

June 6-20th

Marilyn Puett

Cost: $20

www.heartofdixie.org

Course Description:  While it may sound like an infomercial for a get rich quick scheme, Okay… I Confess offers information and tips on how to create a source of outside income by writing short stories for the confessions and romance magazines.  This two-week workshop is geared for writers who want extra income while waiting to sell their first book, are between royalty checks or simply want an extra income stream.

This course takes students step by step through writing a confession.  It begins with learning the market, developing hooks and compelling story lines and structuring a story properly.  By the end of the course, students should have a story ready for submission.

Additionally, participants will be given the opportunity to submit the first few pages of a story they start during the class and have the pages critiqued by published writers.  Two stories will be selected toward the end of the class to receive a full critique.

Instructor Bio:  Marilyn Puett has sold over thirty-five stories and a half-dozen short feature articles to the confessions and romance magazines.  Her other writing credits include Bylines Writers’ Desk Calendar, stories on the Long and Short Reviews website, and an article called “Short Shorts – Not Just a Fashion Statement” was featured on the Writing for Dollars website.  She is a three-time NaNoWriMo winner, and Harlequin SuperRomance requested a partial for the book she wrote for NaNo in 2008.  Marilyn is a member of Heart of Dixie RWA and has served RWA on both the local and national levels.  A founding member of The Writing Playground, a website for aspiring writers (www.writingplayground.com), she lives in her empty nest in north Alabama and dotes on her granddaughter.

Goals and Affirmations

First, I managed to whack out some words on the computer today. Whew. Writing goal met. Personal life goal of going to the gym? Nope. Too busy catching up on errands after I finished writing.

As I write, I am reading Maass's book, WRITING THE BREAKOUT NOVEL. Much of what I read challenged me, forced me to think in many directions regarding this book, my life (hey, I can apply the principles to real life battles), and my future writing.

First illumination from Maass:

How can you catch the mood of our times? ... be sure that your breakout novel will speak to contemporary readers? By being awake to life as it is around us. By living in our times... How can you engage your readers in your fictional world if you, the author, are not engaged in your own world?


Oh, how true these words are to me. I cannot draw from a wellspring of NOTHING. I am committed to the world at large, I fight my battles, I read the newspaper, I have opinions (many I keep secret here, but they crop up in my writing on a regular basis). I LIVE.

This knowledge gives me hope. Writing in a vacuum is not for me. I must engage in the world around me as I am one who needs the interaction. I love to hear people's stories, their histories, their reasons for their choices. I love to talk, but only to disarm others. I want to hear their stories. I care about humanity. I believe in justice. I fight for it in my community as a parent and a citizen.

Every once in a while, I wish I could just turn off this need to make a difference, however small or large, in people's lives. I can't do it. This drives me. Gives me purpose. I believe this drives my writing and gives me purpose in my writing, too.

Yes, I am new. I only have four books... the first one is badly written, the second one is not so bad, the third one is affirming my efforts as a writer, and current WIP is a constant surprise to me. But this current WIP, while difficult and painful to write, is exciting me because I'm attempting to push past the boundaries and build my writing muscles.

... the moral underpinning ... comes from within (me).


I remember struggling for this story to emerge again after a bad critique. And I went back to the basics. At the bottom, underpinning it all, I knew why I had to write the story. And it boiled down to my characters and the depth of their emotions wells up from mine. I'm in love with my characters. The rest of the book, the plot and the setting, is building around them.

In 2009 I learned a lot, and I experienced a lot of firsts. I loved getting so close to the idea of being published and finding an agent. Oh, the heady joy of it all. But the greatest lesson I learned was to push the envelope as a writer. To find that well within me. To patiently mine my heart and emotions and history for a greater story.

And this learning will continue.

Nurturing My Writing Voice

I am in the midst of my revision for book 3. I feel like I've been dealing with these people FOREVER. But with each new revision or change, I find I like the book more and more.

Part of this is the discovery of CRAFT and learning to polish my writing. Another part is taking the Book in a Week class which helped me rediscover HOW I DEVELOP my story. My unique way of getting into my characters' heads.  And the final part of this is through reading some amazing new books published by fellow writers I respect and admire. There, sometimes, the "rules" of CRAFT  and CONTEST are blurred because the STORY is the key. 

And I LOVE THESE BOOKS!! 

I only read other books at night, or when I am on vacation, right before beddie-bye. If I read them during the day, I will lose precious writing time. Right now I am on a mission! I must finish the next seven chapters (THE LAST SEVEN) in revision in 7 allotted writing days. Then I get to dive into my fourth novel and play around with those wonderful people (who are starting to get very impatient with my constant dabbling with book 3).

The flow of the words in the books I read has infiltrated my own writing; not as an exact duplication, but in the idea of how my characters think, act, talk to themselves, and face the world. In that world, overused words are, well, allowed, and echoes can occur, and "ly" words exist, and "was" isn't a demon word. 

Thus my inner critic is silenced to allow my people to become who they are: internally. 

Love that feeling.

And the writing is tighter. No doubt about it. The weaving in and out of elements is more precise. I like the new flow. Will it appeal to an editor or an agent? I don't know. But I do know it appeals to the deeper part in me who enjoys reading a well-crafted romance with a fabulous hero, though flawed, and an independent heroine who's itching for a bit of subduing. 

It's like first draft writing but it's a tighter blend of writing for self, writing for the reader or critique group, and writing for the editor who might one day request it and then accept it with the codicil: more revision required.

I'm determined to move forward with this book. I want to pitch it at the conference. I am ready to try to sell the work. If no one asks for it, well I'll try elsewhere via queries. Then I will lovingly set it aside and use what I've learned by writing it in all my future novels as well as in other revisions. 

This is why I love to write. It challenges me, it changes me, and it moves me beyond preset boundaries. 

And I've learned that is quite all right to be a "delusional masochist" while pursuing this grand obsession.

My First OnetoOne Visit at the APPLE Store

I got a MAC 10 days ago and I couldn't be more thrilled. First of all, it is just the coolest and fastest laptop. And second, it has the capability to run my SCRIVENER program. And I LOVE that program. 

But here is the confession: I am so illiterate and confused by all  my technology that it paralyzes me from learning about it. I have an IPhone and I don't have music on it! I am pathetic at learning new tech and become impatient and give up if it appears to difficult or time consuming to learn. And I suffer from an innate distrust of turning my computer over to the powers that be to work on it. What if *gasp* the books I'm working on mysteriously disappear? 

I have a memory stick--I back up my work--it is an irrational fear. And I plan to conquer it once and for all.

That's why I paid $99 for the yearlong 1to1 classes, held weekly, to learn about my toys and make them work for me.

Today's lesson was supposed to be about my IPHONE and syncing it to my computer. And, if time, learn a few more little bells and whistles. I went to my appointment and the expert working with me, Brian, was a patient and kind man who dealt with every roadblock calmly and confidently. 

Good thing! The first thing I went there to do was impossible without syncing my IPHONE back to my old HP. Apparently, the phone will lose all contacts due to nothing being on my computer. Don't ask. I don't understand it either. 

What it means is that my HP and my precious MAC will have to go to the APPLE store and be configured together. Sounds almost sexual, but it is technical. Two things that worry me about it are being without any computing ability for more than a day and trying to find the passwords for all the HP stuff (which is an ongoing frustration). 

Despite my fears and worries, I plan to bring my toys into the APPLE store on Friday afternoon (after working all day), and leave them in the capable hands of the technicians. Of course, I'll have EVERYTHING I have worked on this week saved on my memory stick. 

The second roadblock we had was the fact that I couldn't log onto the PORTAL for one to one, because I didn't bring some silver, credit card thing with my membership number on it. Why didn't anyone tell me I needed it? Or, if they did, why did I forget.

At this point, I was quite ready to leave. What was the point of staying? But my very nice and patient instructor led me through some other things that made the visit worth my while.

I learned how to add folders to my mailbox, add rules to move mail automatically, and had a great time reconfiguring my mailbox. I also had fun learning more about how the bookmarks on my browser worked. It is so easy to navigate from page to page as well as tab to tab (and I just learned how to open the new tabs as well). We made folders for my saved websites and played around with navigating through the browser. And we changed my home page as well.

Wahoo!

On Friday I will bring my computers to the APPLE store and have them synced. On Tuesday, the 28th, I return to the APPLE store, with silver card in hand, to learn more about this amazing machine and sync my phone to it.

I know my family is super happy I paid for the lessons. My daughter literally breathed a sigh of relief when I told her about my classes. She didn't want to teach me about my computer (she has a MACBOOK PRO) cause I am too impatient. 

But my teacher today was very patient and his calm demeanor made me want to stay and learn more.

I hope he's my teacher again next week!

To Do Today

Finished the MS--like the ending and that means I want to keep the beginning the same, but just flesh it out a bit. I know the global fixes. I know the tiny fixes. Global first -- might not need to handle the tiny fixes if that occurs.

So I am medium pleased with the book. The story is decent. The scenes are good. I have some ideas about what I want to do to add tension and layer in greater attraction. I know how to make my hero heroic and not sleazy in the beginning. And I know I have to get started soon.

But first I want to finish up my character workshop classes and work on my hero a bit more. I will do that, think a bit about the heroine, and then I will start the revision on Monday. I like what a writing buddy said. She said to call it "learning" and then it won't feel as much as "here we go again."

I just finished a book by a favorite author and I loved it. She published it in 2007, which means it was probably finished in 2005. There is a lead time into getting these things out the doors of the publishing houses. All kinds of repeats and passive voice and telling but the story was GREAT and the hero and heroine were well drawn. It was a great story. I've been so worried about the "rules" of writing that I forgot about the "story being the point." I wanted to read her book because I was drawn to it. And she is a fabulous writer. No writer is "perfect." Every writer is working toward improvement in their own craft. And that's all I am doing except I am not getting paid to do it -- YET. I will. One day I will get published. Period.

More about that in another post.

Now my happy news. Two people I know and care about are PUBLISHED. One is my first critique partner and she is published in children's fiction. As soon as I figure out how to paste that info into a blog (because I am blog challenged... see any pictures in here? I don't like figuring out all the techie stuff), I will. And another friend I met last year at a retreat in Charleston who is also my other critique partner's SIL has A FOUR BOOK CONTRACT!!! Yay! After 16 years of writing. And I am soooo happy for her.

As soon as I find out how to post that information, I will do it!!

When I hear stories about people like my friend's SIL, it gives me hope that I am not whistling dixie and I will get published one day.

Hooray for my friend's victories!!

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b?url=node%3D4&field-keywords=witness+tree+and+the+shadow+of+the+noose