Ah, the inevitable ennui has descended up on me. Part of this is due to travel. Another part is due to worry. And the third part is due to a very nicely worded rejection. Not that I'm sad or mad. I like this person. I would like to work with this person. But I have a feeling my voice may not be a match for her. And that's okay. Really. Because this is business. There will be someone out there who LOVES my voice and then the door will open. And I will still admire and respect this other person for her honesty.
But the sting still sits under my skin and I am creatively avoiding my revisions. Which isn't good. Well, I'm sort of avoiding them. It seems the closer I get to achieving my dream, the harder it gets to move past the "no's." And I find myself questioning the time and energy I put into this writing deal a lot more.
It's me against me.
It's doubt and fear against courage and drive.
So here's how the days start when I am in a mental battle with moi. First I lie in bed and I mull other possible career options which might be easier to accomplish than trying to get published. I've come up with a few:
*macrame art utilizing spaghetti noodles as the base for the knots
*knitting mittens with the leftover spaghetti noodles
*stringing pearls onto a necklace that has no knot at the end
*capturing mud covered piglets and returning them to their mommas
*sewing Tinkerbell's outfits with a small needle and thread
By the time I get to Tinkerbell, I remember that ALL I NEED IS FAITH, TRUST AND A LITTLE BIT OF PIXIE DUST!!
As my dear friend and critique partner told me one day after a frenetic round of rejections, if we quit writing we reject ourselves.
So that's it in a nutshell. There are NO EASY ANSWERS. This business IS SLOWER THAN A SNAKE DIGESTING AN ELEPHANT, and the only thing I have control over IS WRITING AND SUBMITTING.
And usually, by the time I crawl through the mental debris and flack and empty shot shells, I discover a saving grace or a timely note of encouragement or an affirmation that I'm not a total hack.
Bottom line: keep your eye on the prize. One day you will win.
Or die trying.
And that's better than not trying at all.