Real Men Don't Act Like Book Heroes

I was watching a television show a few weeks ago when my darling husband sat down in his Archie Bunker chair and whipped out his TOENAIL CLIPPERS. I sat, dumbfounded, as he proceeded to carefully clip his toenails and place them in a nice little pile on the table next to his red chair.

Note to future guests: I do clean on a regular basis so all toenail clippings have been removed.

My reaction was sheer and utter amazed grossed out disgust. I believe I screamed. I was horrified. To which my darling husband said, "You are overreacting and ridiculous. This is not a big deal." Now he might have meant to say, "I'm sorry for grossing you out. Thank you for pointing out to me that this habit is horrifying. I will never do it again." However, I was so freaked out I just googled disgusting habits of husbands on my laptop and sent him link after link of other wives who were equally freaked out by their husbands' sheer gross behavior in front of them.

Here are a few of the common nasty habits:

*leaving wet towels on the floor (could be a teenager's bad habit as well)
*burping
*using a fork as a back scratcher
*passing gas
*refusing to replace an empty toilet paper roll
*putting feet on furniture
*taking forever to get to the point of the conversation
*inability to read a map correctly & refusing to ask for directions
*blowing nose at the table
*flossing teeth in the living room

One consolation in discovering the myriad of complaints on the Internet was that I wasn't alone. But as a romance writer, I got to thinking about my heroes. My heroes NEVER do these things. In fact, I don't think my darling hubby did these things till after we got married. My heroes may act like Alpha men who always get their way, but I have never read about a hero in any romance book doing the things on the list I posted or in the Internet sites I found online. 

And these wives, for the most part, continue to remain married to their husbands despite their nasty habits. Another consolation, right? After all, this is real life. I'm not writing about real life. I'm writing fiction. And what woman with a husband who clips his toenails in the living room while she's trying to watch Toddlers and Tiaras wants to read a romance novel about a hero who is equally as disgusting? Can't think of one example. She wants the fantasy as much as I do. 

And that's why I write romance novels about sexy heroes with magically perfect feet that require no toenail clipping at all. 

Doghouses, Husbands and Heroes

While creating Husbands, God promised Women that good and ideal Husbands would be found in all corners of the world. And then he made the earth round.

News Flash: There's been a recent surge of husbands being kenneled in the proverbial doghouse. Perhaps it is the darkening skies, and the earlier nights, that are contributing to this problem. Or it could be the recent election results which are spurring heated debates in (no wait, that's a different news item). Or maybe football season is the culprit. Who knows? The unfortunate fact is that many husbands, good men all of them, here and all over the world are routinely sent to the doghouse. What is most disturbing is that they often don't know why they are in the doghouse. The only thing they are sure of is the knowledge of who put them in the doghouse. Their wives. Even sadder is the fact that they don't always know if they are in the doghouse or not. One husband I spoke with said he thought he was out of the doghouse because his wife was speaking to him again. However, her clipped tone and civil tongue belied the truth. He was still in the doghouse. But don't despair. Men are also guaranteed a ticket out of the doghouse for good behavior. The shape of that ticket and form of that release varies from household to household, but rest assured it will probably be impractical and beautiful. After all, husbands are really heroes. And heroes know how to fix anything: even a heroine's broken heart. Once they've learned how to do that, they've learned how to get out of the doghouse for the rest of their lives.