Real Men Don't Act Like Book Heroes

I was watching a television show a few weeks ago when my darling husband sat down in his Archie Bunker chair and whipped out his TOENAIL CLIPPERS. I sat, dumbfounded, as he proceeded to carefully clip his toenails and place them in a nice little pile on the table next to his red chair.

Note to future guests: I do clean on a regular basis so all toenail clippings have been removed.

My reaction was sheer and utter amazed grossed out disgust. I believe I screamed. I was horrified. To which my darling husband said, "You are overreacting and ridiculous. This is not a big deal." Now he might have meant to say, "I'm sorry for grossing you out. Thank you for pointing out to me that this habit is horrifying. I will never do it again." However, I was so freaked out I just googled disgusting habits of husbands on my laptop and sent him link after link of other wives who were equally freaked out by their husbands' sheer gross behavior in front of them.

Here are a few of the common nasty habits:

*leaving wet towels on the floor (could be a teenager's bad habit as well)
*burping
*using a fork as a back scratcher
*passing gas
*refusing to replace an empty toilet paper roll
*putting feet on furniture
*taking forever to get to the point of the conversation
*inability to read a map correctly & refusing to ask for directions
*blowing nose at the table
*flossing teeth in the living room

One consolation in discovering the myriad of complaints on the Internet was that I wasn't alone. But as a romance writer, I got to thinking about my heroes. My heroes NEVER do these things. In fact, I don't think my darling hubby did these things till after we got married. My heroes may act like Alpha men who always get their way, but I have never read about a hero in any romance book doing the things on the list I posted or in the Internet sites I found online. 

And these wives, for the most part, continue to remain married to their husbands despite their nasty habits. Another consolation, right? After all, this is real life. I'm not writing about real life. I'm writing fiction. And what woman with a husband who clips his toenails in the living room while she's trying to watch Toddlers and Tiaras wants to read a romance novel about a hero who is equally as disgusting? Can't think of one example. She wants the fantasy as much as I do. 

And that's why I write romance novels about sexy heroes with magically perfect feet that require no toenail clipping at all. 

New Year's Eve Goal Review

Every year I set new goals for myself and for my writing. I posted my writing goals for 2010 on this blog along with my focus statement and my Top Five Priority List. You'll see that again in the New Year. But for now, I want to check my list to see how well I did in 2010. 

My Writing Goals for 2010

*finish 4th book revision, possibly make it a single title DONE

*enter 4 contests at a minimum with 4th MS, including the MAGGIES and GH DONE

*start fifth first draft of story plotted loosely during a writing workshop DONE

*work on fifth first draft during TOUR DE FORCE in February STARTED IN NOVEMBER 

*write every day except for high days DONE

*continue querying agents and editors with 3rd MS DONE

*send partial request and synopsis to agent for 4th MS DONE

*maintain daily blog REVISED TO 3X A WEEK

*continue guest blogging on Romance Magicians DONE

*judge writing contests DONE -- judged 3 that I can remember

*attend Moonlight and Magnolias Writing Conference DONE

*attend RWA National Conference DONE

*pitch 4^th book at both conferences DONE

*help with PRO Retreat DONE

*continue learning and growing in my craft with online courses and craft books DONE

*read for fun DONE but would like to increase time spent reading for pleasure

*get a domain name DONE 

*coordinate online workshops for the Heart of Dixie DONE

*find a co-chair for the online workshop coordination DONE

*work on YA idea over the summer Played with the YA idea on Scrivener

*realize that life happens and enjoy the detours Yup, done!

*set top 5 priority list and review it regularly to maintain my focus DONE

*be courageous, strong and focused on my dreams and goals DONE

Wow, I accomplished almost everything I asked myself to do this year. I love this list. And I love all the DONEs. These were reasonable and attainable goals. I can't wait to see what my list looks like in the new year after I sit down and think about 2011. I'm excited about all the upcoming possibilities and new directions I will go as a writer. 

What goals did you set for the year? Did you revisit them? If you haven't set goals yet, I encourage you to write them down and post them somewhere (publicly or privately). Share your victories and celebrate your successes. 

Focus on what you have accomplished this year and reward yourself for all your hard work.

And now it's time to usher in another new year with some champagne and dark chocolate.


Seekerville Goal Setting Post
Word Wenches Procrastination Post

Let Me Entertain You

My current series in progress is set in a small town and one of my characters is a culinary wizard/lifestyle guru. She teaches her students how to cook, entertain, and decorate. Why did she pop into my brain? I guess it's my secret desire to be Nigella Lawson or the Barefoot Contessa that spurred my creativity. Really. I want to be them. I want to eat luscious food, go shopping in quaint shops, and host fabulous dinner parties. And even better I don't ever have to worry about being a size 4 or 6 or 8 again.

Nope. I'll get paid to look voluptuous and enjoy doing it.

Of course, given my shellfish allergy I doubt I will ever have a career as a television cooking/lifestyle hostess. This is why I create characters who can live my dream for me. However, being a romance novel heroine, my character will be a respectable size 8 because this is a fictional piece of work.

Again, I'm just fulfilling another personal fantasy here. Cook, eat as much as I like, and be skinny, too. It's a wonderful ideal for me and love to imagine this alternate world.

The truth is that I do love entertaining, but not at the level that some famous entertainers go for it. There aren't catered events at my house. COSTCO is a place where I can get some mighty fine platters of goodies. And Pilsbury crescent rolls are featured in many of my appetizers. The point of entertaining isn't to impress people, it is to bring them together and create a memory.

Over the years, I believe I've learned how to do this quite nicely.

When I was growing up, this wasn't true at all. My mother would invite people over to dinner. She'd stress out about the house and we minions would be forced to clean all day. This cleaning usually involved polishing her silverware (ugh), and her ranting about the cleanliness in general of the house. She wasn't the best housekeeper so I believe she invited people over just to force the house into a state of order again.

In addition to the stress of cleaning the house, she also had great anxiety about the menu. Experiments were held on us, and we were forced to eat many culinary dishes that were not fit for human consumption. I could possibly blame this fact for my shellfish allergy. I won't. But I want to. Finally a menu would be established. And she'd be okay for a bit.

We'd set the table, put on our best manners and act as if it was seamlessly pulled off. I didn't mind this too much during the year, but I truly resented this effort ON CHRISTMAS DAY! Yes, my mother would host this type of event on Christmas Day. And let me tell you, it's no fun polishing silver on Christmas Day.

I swore that when I grew up I would not subject my family to this kind of stress. At least I wouldn't do it to them on Christmas Day. Besides, that's my day, too. Don't get me wrong. I want to break bread. But I'm not polishing silver or breaking my back cleaning the house. In fact, I'm pretty much of that mind all the time when it comes to hosting parties at my house. Or dinners, for that matter.

A lot of people don't entertain because they believe it will be the stressful event I've described from my childhood. I'm here to say it doesn't have to be stressful or expensive. It is about bringing people together and having fun. It is about making memories.

I remember when I was a poor young woman living in a one bedroom apartment in Vancouver, British Columbia. I hosted more dinners around that little table than I can count. I was a wizard with a can of cream of mushroom soup, garlic and onions. If I had that, and a bit of white wine, I could make a sauce that my friends enjoyed and pour it over pasta. During that same era, I also hosted many interesting dinner parties with another friend. We'd ask each of our friends for $5 then we'd devise a menu based on the money we pooled together, go shopping and prepare a meal. We had fondues, clambakes (before the shellfish allergy came to light), barbecues and more. And it only cost us $5.

One year, the year we did the fondue, we took a plank of wood, two of them, and put them on top of upturned milk crates. Then we covered them with a tablecloth. We tossed pillows on the floor and seated 12 around that makeshift table. No one complained as they stuffed their mouths full of cheese, oil and chocolate fondues. What a great night!

In the years I've been married, I've hosted dinners and parties with varying levels of decor and degrees of  difficulty. One thing my mother's experiments taught me was that I loved to host parties. I loved the people part and the pulling together of the various elements. Sometimes my parties are BYOB and a side dish. Other times, I make a meal for 8 and we sit around the table. The size and volume varies. I have scaled back on the number of people I'll host only because I want to socialize, too.

Tonight I am hosting a soiree for my hubby's Scotch Working Wednesday Crew. I decided not to ask them to bring anything as they all work during the day, and I wanted to have fun with the menu. I'm providing 3 hot appetizers, two of which are hearty, and 3 cold appetizers along with an antipasto platter filled with cheeses, olives, interesting crackers and more. Most likely I'll try to do something fun with the breakfast nook table (no one goes around the dining room table so I'll just light some candles in there and leave it at that) and make it festive. But that's because I love doing that kind of stuff.

And no, it won't look like Martha Stewart's elaborate decorations. I tend to go the Rachel Raye way of entertaining. If you are squeamish about hosting gatherings, here are some tips from an entertaining road warrior:

1) Don't go crazy cleaning your entire house. Throw crap into baskets and hide them if you must. A candle lit house doesn't show dust. I do a light mopping to at best.

2) Homemade is great, but store bought is great, too. If you have something you want to highlight, then make it and serve it with pride. Surround it with goodies you enjoy or foods that are easy to pull together or pre-made. No one will care.

3) Bring the outdoors inside. If you don't have a lot of decorative stuff, then go clip some branches from your outdoor hollies or evergreens in the winter. In the summer you can clip flowering bushes, etch. Put them into every day containers that are unique. I have used soup tureens and trifle bowls for these kind of things. Really, who uses a soup tureen for soup? Not me.

3) Paper plates and plastic forks are great. Today I'm mixing and matching paper products with real mccoy stuff. That's because it is a small group and I have tons of glass plates I can use that will be perfect.

4) If someone offers to help you, say yes! Unless you want to control the menu (today I did so I didn't ask people to bring anything), if someone offers to bring food, say yes! You never know. You might get a new recipe for your recipe book. That's one of the best things that came out of our Happy Hours at the townhouse in Fairfax, VA. Of course, my darling teen called them Happy Nights as they lasted a lot longer than an hour LOL.

5) Don't apologize for the food. If something isn't quite right, who cares? Julia Child's said it best: never apologize. Period.

6) Don't worry about everything matching. I have gathered a lot of silver platters and white platters over the years so I just coordinate the seasonal colors to match them. I do have a passion for dishes so I have Christmas plates which I'll trot out, but that's the only set I have that is "seasonal."

7) Make a list of what you will do and plan ahead. I do make a list of the goodies I will make along with the number of people who are coming. I prep my grocery list based on the ingredients (unless they are store bought appies), then I shop for them. I make a list on the day of the event to make sure I don't forget anything. I start with prepping the stuff that needs to be chilled (can be done day before), then move to the stuff that has to be cooked the day of the party. I pull my serving platters and use a trick I learned from a friend -- I label with post its what is going where... helps me be on top of things.

8) I set up the stage--table--eating area--drink area, then give myself time to relax before everyone arrives. I usually have one thing in the oven when people get to the house. Most of our parties end up in the kitchen so I may as well wait to cook it all.

What are your holiday plans? Do you entertain often? Are you a control freak or a go with the flow kind of entertainer? And what is the best party you've thrown for the least amount of money?

Blogging on Romance Magicians Today

I took a side trip to visit the Romance Magicians and blogged about Necessary Losses I incurred in order to pursue my writing dream. Come visit me at the Southern Magic Blog site and share your sacrifices with me.

Break Out the Bubbly & Dark Chocolate--Celebrating Kieran Kramer's Debut Novel

I'm so excited to introduce you to my friend and fellow writer, Kieran Kramer. I  met Kieran through my critique partner Sharon. Lucky for me they're related through marriage. Now I get to celebrate Kieran's debut novel's release today, November 2, 2010. When Harry Met Molly.  This book is part of the Impossible Bachelors series. I've invited my friend to share her journey with us and celebrate the release. 

Pop! Ah, champagne flowing into glass right now. And here's a bit of dark chocolate to go with my bubbly. And best of all, one of my commenters will win a copy of Kieran's book! Woohoo!!

Me:  How did you end up becoming a writer?

Kieran: I've been writing since I was a kid. I think it all started because I loved reading. I wanted to participate in that amazing world of words and stories.

Me: What is your favorite genre to write?

Kieran: I LOVE writing historicals, so I'd have to say that's my favorite genre!  But I also love funny contemporary stuff, so I could see myself writing that someday, too. Honestly, it's not the genre that matters to me so much as being able to express myself, to be able to use my voice to tell a story.

Me: I really love your philosophy about writing as a way to express yourself.  Tell me about your process. Are you a plotter or do you follow the muse?

Kieran: I'm a combination, but I lean highly toward following the muse. I always start a story from one image that comes to me: an impression, a fleeting dream…. I won't be able to get that idea out of my head, and so I build a whole story around it. But until I read craft books, I wasn't that good at making the story as cohesive as it could be. Now I know structure, and that really helps me out when I find myself in a dark plotting corner.  Favorite craft books: everything by Blake Snyder, Syd Field, and Michael Hauge; Dwight Swain, Techniques of the Selling Writer; and Christopher Vogler, The Writer's Journey.

Me: First another sip of champagne. Ah, and a nibble of chocolate. I like to hear that I’m not the only writer who had to read a lot of craft books and take a lot of workshops to learn “how” to tell my story. I just ordered The Writer’s Journey and I can’t wait until it arrives. I’ve got your book When Harry Met Molly pre-ordered for my fun reading. Reading is what I like do when I relax and unwind. What about you? How do you relax after a writing day?

Kieran: I watch a reality TV show with my daughter, something really silly and fun like Project Runway or the Housewives series, or I might watch Modern Family or The Office with the whole family. Sometimes I'll take an evening walk with my husband or go visit my wonderful neighbors. I don't do anything spectacular. But one way I pamper myself every day is to keep a pile of excellent reading material on my bedside table and lying around the house. I'm always reading at least two novels at a time and some magazines.

Me: What do you read? What are your favorite genres? Who are your favorite authors?

Kieran: I read everything, but I focus more on novels than non-fiction. My favorite genres to read in? Of course, romance is my all-time favorite, both contemporaries and historicals. LaVyrle Spencer is my favorite romance author, but I adore so many others as well. We should be proud of how many spectacular romance authors are on the shelves right now!

Other favorite books and authors:  A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by Betty Smith; I Capture the Castle, by Dodie Smith; To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee; and Mistress of Mellyn, by Victoria Holt. I also love Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, Laura Ingalls Wilder, James Herriot, and too many others for me to be able to name them all. 

Me: Your bookshelf and mine sound alike. . Now I’m curious about your next project. What are you working on now?

Kieran:  I'm writing Book 4 in my Impossible Bachelors series.  The title is not set yet—we're still mulling it over. I love a good title, though. It gets me psyched to write the book.

Me: I love your titles for the books. I can see why they inspire you. Today we’re celebrating your debut release When Harry Met Molly. How soon will we see your next book in the Impossible Bachelors series?

Kieran: Dukes to the Left of Me, Princes to the Right is coming out Nov. 30^th!  And Cloudy with a Chance of Marriage comes out next April.

Me: Awesome. I don’t have to wait too long for my next Kieran Kramer book. This debut is very exciting, but we all know getting published is hard. How long were you trying to get published before you got the call?

Kieran: I wrote my first book fifteen years ago. It was a 60,000-word Regency. That went nowhere—I sent it out to one publisher, and when it got rejected, I put it away (I had a dog's POV in it! And I didn't know what head hopping, conflict, or pacing were). I also didn't know I should keep submitting. I assumed that if one person said they didn't want it, it was no good.  Over the next decade, I got smarter: I joined RWA, and when the Romance Writers Report came every month in the mail, I'd read it cover to cover, which helped me keep the dream alive (although I didn't seek out a local RWA chapter, and I should have).

The bald truth is, I didn't focus on my writing dream as much as a person who wants to get into the business should.  I started a lot of manuscripts and didn't get past Chapter 3 in most of them. The truth was, for me writing was more a hobby and a form of stress relief, a haven I could go to when I needed to replenish me. There's nothing wrong with that, either. I learned a lot in those years!

But time marched on. I was super busy with my kids, and we moved a lot, and life just happened. It wasn’t until my husband got laid off from work about five or six years ago that I got the notion that I had the talent it took to make money with my writing. I began to go to the National RWA conference. That catapulted me to the next level of believing. I saw that this was the place where I would learn the ropes, and I would take full advantage of it. I started reading craft books and writing full or almost full manuscripts rather than snippets. All told, I wrote about four manuscripts over those five years. And then my husband went to Afghanistan and suddenly—age 40 was behind me. That was scary. I didn't want to have any regrets about not pursuing my dreams! I wanted my kids to see that we should all have dreams and go for them. Everything clicked. I felt it the time was right to go all out, full speed ahead, and do this thing. Simply put, I gave myself permission to put my personal passion for writing at the top of my list of priorities. That's when I sold When Harry Met Molly.

Me: Wow, your story is amazing. No regrets and wanting to teach our children to go for their dreams are the main reasons I’m pursuing the dream and waiting for the “call” myself. I know I've got champagne chilling in my fridge for thad day. So tell me, what was it like when you finally got the “call?” How did you celebrate?

Kieran: I'm a very simple person, so I didn't do anything immediately but call my distant family and share lots of hugs from nearby family and friends.  The big celebration came when we got to go to Disney World for the first time. My kids had never been, and two of them were teens. One was ten.  We had such a great time!

Me: I think going to Disney World is a fabulous way to celebrate your success and to share the victory with your family. I might have to do that when I get “the call.” But there’s one thing I’ve always wanted to ask, is it really a “call?”

Kieran: It was a phone call, and I was driving on a very narrow country road when it came! I told my agent I had to hang up or I'd drive off into a corn field!! I was on my way to jury duty, actually. It was fabulous because in the courtroom, we were told to stand and announce our profession, and I got to say, "Hi, I'm Kieran Kramer and I'm a full-time writer." That was cool!  I just had jury duty this week (again, but a different court) and I've since learned that a lot of published people say, "Author" when asked to describe their profession. But I still prefer to say writer—because paid or not, I am a writer, first and foremost. It's who I am, whereas the word "author" describes my output combined with the efforts of a marvelous publishing team. As proud as I am of being an author, I want to stay focused on the core of who I am, which is simply—writer. That might be splitting hairs for some people, but the distinction matters to me.

Me: I love how you separate the idea of being an author from being a writer. This gives authenticity to those of us who are not published yet. What about aspiring writers? What advice would you give to them?

Kieran: To believe in what you're writing. If you don't believe, it won't be any good. Always turn inward, every day, and say, "Why am I doing this?" Ponder it for a moment. Another question you could ask is, "What is it I really want to say?" It's important to start at the foundation and figure out why you write.  Until you do that, you won't hone in on the passion deep inside you that gives you the impetus to write and infuses life into your writing.  In a nutshell, know your worldview and always find your passion.

Me: Excellent advice. What encouragement can you give writers who face rejection?

Kieran: First of all, it's often not you, and many times it's not your manuscript. Sometimes it's simply that an agent or editor is looking for something different. The same way that we all buy winter coats but choose different styles, colors, and fabrics, editors and agents have their own personal preferences. You could have a perfectly lovely manuscript, but it simply doesn't appeal to that editor or agent's tastes. Too many writers don't seem to be aware of this and take rejection as a sign that their writing is not good.

Keep submitting until you locate that agent or editor who looks at it and goes, "Wow!" You want someone to be excited about your work.

If you're submitting for a long time, and every editor and agent offers the same reason for  rejecting it, then maybe you should do something different. But you have to decide what "a long time" is. That's personal. We all develop at different rates in everything we do, including writing. If you want to give yourself just one year—or five or ten—before you change your patterns, that's fine. No one should tell you how long you should give yourself. Some people like to tweak things constantly so they have a faster learning curve. It suits their personalities. But others like their voice to develop like a fine wine. It's all in what YOU want to do.

But set yourself those goals. Give yourself that deadline. Be aware of what you're doing. Don't just keep floating without a plan.

Me: You’ve faced rejection, learned to set goals, and worked through years of learning how to craft a story. What is the most difficult thing about writing for you today?

Kieran: Trying to plot out the story ahead of time. I simply can't get more than the basic turning points on my storyboard or in a synopsis, and even then, they change. For me, the story evolves as I go.

Me: What is the most surprising thing you discovered after you received the "call"?

Kieran: That life doesn't really change that much. But I like it that way and prepared myself for it to be that way, actually. I intentionally went into this adventure telling myself that I already have everything I need, and I do. I have a loving family, true friends, a roof over my head, and food in my belly. I'm extremely blessed.

I think it's very important, no matter where you are in life, to remember what your essence is versus your identity (thanks, Michael Hauge, for your Essence vs. Identity talk). I have a lot of identities, and I love my new identity as an author. But the most important thing of all is that underneath all my roles, I want to be a good person.  If I'm remembered simply as that, I'll be happy.

Thanks for having me today, Christine! I love your blog, and I think it's because you are a very passionate person. Your worldview definitely comes through in your writing. Your cup is half-full instead of half-empty, and that's an awesome way to be.

Me: Thanks for your kind words, Kieran. I’m so glad you stopped in for some champagne and dark chocolate to celebrate today’s release of your debut novel When Harry Met Molly.