I'm a romance writer. Not published yet, but I put in just as many hours in the chair as a published writer because I treat this dream like a job. I act like a professional and I expect to be treated with equal professional courtesy by other people in this industry as well as in the "real" world.
Do unto others as you wish them to do unto you is a good manifesto to live by.
As I write and pursue this dream of publication, I am blown away by the myriad of real life issues that published and unpublished romance writers face. Let's face it, the majority of romance writers are women. The word woman means that regardless of where we are in our writing careers, we have a multitude of other tasks and jobs to perform because of our gender.
Disclaimer: I'm not saying that male writers don't have many of these demands, but by virtue of their gender they can compartmentalize these different tasks more easily. I'm actually quite jealous of that ability.
OK, so back to romance writers. And especially women writers. I'll use me for the most part as a living example.
In the past two weeks I have been working diligently on my revisions for the editor. But I'm not just a writer, I'm a mother, a wife, a friend. And then some... and with these other roles comes other challenges. I think these challenges confront most of my friends in the writing world. They're juggling writing careers, other jobs, families, relationships while they're generating new stories.
Let me tell you folks, it's tough to generate a story when your College Kid's university emergency center calls you to ask where your College Kid is because she is supposed to come in for follow up work. Full on Momma Red Alert and Defcom a Gazillion hits all nerves. This momma's doing recon and emergency dialing for three hours. She's juggling two doctors' offices, a husband who wants to be kept in the loop, and a daughter who is hurting and doesn't know why.
Momma is not writing stories during this time. I can't. Could you? Could you turn off your emergency parental alert system and write? Fortunately, the emergency room doctor told me that I could step down my alert system to yellow and go into a holding pattern. Let's see, that was Wednesday. Good thing I always write a bit in the morning before I go to the gym which salvaged part of the day.
Thursday morning I get home and there's a call from a friend that I've just spent a wonderful time with at a winery. I did a little job for her (generated some RWA Conference moola) on the side so I thought it was about that little job. No. Unfortunately not. Bad news. Stinky rotten news about a friend in another city who just passed away that morning. So many years had passed since we'd seen him and his wife, but we were close during those early dating and marital years. We were close when we were starting our families. We didn't stop caring for each other because we moved, we just got busy with being responsible citizens in different corners of the world.
Now this woman writer begins chasing down information. When is the funeral? Where? What day? What time? I'm emailing mutual friends and checking out the local paper's obituaries for information. I'm texting and emailing three people to find out the information because this person was important to me and my husband. We care and we are sad. So that took some time, but it was time well spent. Original plans go out the door, fly out the window, leave the building. New plans are quickly made. Real world trumps writer's world in these situations.
Now in all of this, the College Kid still needs me to be available. So I'm grocery shopping in our new Walmart when the cell rings. I have a pretty strict policy about not taking calls in public places except when I hear the College Kid's ring tone. She's been sick and we still don't know why. So I take her calls. Even my husband takes her calls at work. She's our number one priority. Always will be. We chatted (I mostly listened) while I cruised the produce section.
All this is just my world. But I know so many other women who are juggling complicated situations and lives while they're generating new stories, revising old stories, attending writer conferences, leading chapter meetings. We're women who have multiple roles. We juggle them all while walking a tightrope between the writer's world and the real world.
Despite all of these interruptions and real world events, I did finish my third round revisions and layered in more story elements. Because I'm a professional. And I treat this dream like a job.
Why? Because at the end of my days I want to be able to say I did my best. The results may not be what I had hoped for because this industry is fickle and changes on a dime and who knows? I may never get it "right." But no matter what happens, I will be able to look into my mirror and have no regrets.
And that's what it is about for me.
What will you say to yourself at the end of your days?
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Monday, October 29, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
YOLO: You Only Live Once
The Teen has a phrase: YOLO. It stands for You Only Live Once. She uses it quite a bit. It's a fun phrase to her and she lives life fairly happily. She's off to college in less than a month and I know she's ready.
I'll miss her, but I believe this will be an exciting transition for the entire family.
As part of my YOLO attitude, I've decided to feel the fear and go for it anyway. Yes, I've been afraid of failing at this writing gig more times than I can count: especially this year. I've wanted to quit numerous times. You can read about all my angst in my January blogs. I was very full of doubt and despair, but I pushed through it with the help of my critique partners and writing friends.
There is NO other option.
So my YOLO mantra will be about taking more chances as a writer. Trusting my heart and my instincts about the story and the characters. Believing that if another writer can get published by my dream line, than I can, too.
It will happen.
There is NO other option.
So You Only Live Once. This year while my darling Teen heads to college to embrace her new adventure, I want to embrace mine. I'm a writer. Whether I get the call this year or next year, I am a writer. Whether I never get the call at all, I'm still a writer.
I do have control over many aspects of this career. I have a plan. The plan is in place. I am executing the plan at my pace and toward my goal. Other people might achieve their goals faster, or take shortcuts, but I am taking the road less traveled and sticking to my guns.
I want it all. That's it.
YOLO.
I'll miss her, but I believe this will be an exciting transition for the entire family.
As part of my YOLO attitude, I've decided to feel the fear and go for it anyway. Yes, I've been afraid of failing at this writing gig more times than I can count: especially this year. I've wanted to quit numerous times. You can read about all my angst in my January blogs. I was very full of doubt and despair, but I pushed through it with the help of my critique partners and writing friends.
There is NO other option.
So my YOLO mantra will be about taking more chances as a writer. Trusting my heart and my instincts about the story and the characters. Believing that if another writer can get published by my dream line, than I can, too.
It will happen.
There is NO other option.
So You Only Live Once. This year while my darling Teen heads to college to embrace her new adventure, I want to embrace mine. I'm a writer. Whether I get the call this year or next year, I am a writer. Whether I never get the call at all, I'm still a writer.
I do have control over many aspects of this career. I have a plan. The plan is in place. I am executing the plan at my pace and toward my goal. Other people might achieve their goals faster, or take shortcuts, but I am taking the road less traveled and sticking to my guns.
I want it all. That's it.
YOLO.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Two Hats: One At A Time
Before the writing became a FULL time job without pay (unless you count quarters in a decorated tin can) I was a mother. I am still a mother. But the Senior graduating teen hasn't really wanted me to "hover" over her during this year (that's a blog for all mothers right), so I have tried really hard to let her go and leave her to her devices.
Great? Right? But the thing is she is still a 17 year old and she is still my teenager. So occasionally the Momma Cap has to come out and be slipped onto my head so I can focus on launching her out the door and into the world.
Not an easy launch. I have major writing deadlines which, while I am NOT getting paid, require a lot of my energy. I write 4-5 hours a day, workout, do all the normal things every housewife does, and I look after the family.
Now it's college crunch time. We have had a lot of letters come in from the colleges. I had folders. I admit, I didn't read them all word for word cause the chick hadn't made up her mind about where she was going for sure until a week ago. And, as life would have it, in waiting to decide she may have forgotten to send in her letter for the Honors College. We don't know. She got the information in February. It was an online form. She thinks she filled it out. But we haven't received paperwork.
And a MONTH ago I was laying in bed having mini panic attacks about all the "what ifs" and how does this online college stuff work because I never went to college until I was 22 and things have changed a lot since I graduated. But I was told, "don't worry and quit hovering" so I tried not to interfere.
Suddenly there is a crisis. Now who gets to fix it? Oh, that would be ME because writing is not as important as fixing this problem. BUT what I don't like about this is I ASKED A MONTH AGO ABOUT THIS STUFF and there WOULD BE NO PROBLEM if people hadn't pooh poohed my concern.
And that includes the PHYSICIST. So this is my mini rant. I am not happy about this situation. I am wondering what else hasn't happened. I have lost hours of sleep over this and I really didn't want to deal with this while I am working on my revisions, but that's life. Kid first, writing second. That's just the way of it all.
Nora Roberts said there are glass balls and rubber balls that we juggle. Glass balls include family and kids and real life issues. This is a glass ball that I have to keep in the air.
Dusting? Laundry? Those are rubber balls. Guess what? Neither are getting done today.
What are you juggling and keeping in the air when you're not writing? What stops you? Oh, and how do you get back on track? I do it by telling myself I MUST WRITE 3-4 hours minimum per day. I will complete that task even if I have to go past my usual STOP time.
What's your solution to life interferences?
Great? Right? But the thing is she is still a 17 year old and she is still my teenager. So occasionally the Momma Cap has to come out and be slipped onto my head so I can focus on launching her out the door and into the world.
Not an easy launch. I have major writing deadlines which, while I am NOT getting paid, require a lot of my energy. I write 4-5 hours a day, workout, do all the normal things every housewife does, and I look after the family.
Now it's college crunch time. We have had a lot of letters come in from the colleges. I had folders. I admit, I didn't read them all word for word cause the chick hadn't made up her mind about where she was going for sure until a week ago. And, as life would have it, in waiting to decide she may have forgotten to send in her letter for the Honors College. We don't know. She got the information in February. It was an online form. She thinks she filled it out. But we haven't received paperwork.
And a MONTH ago I was laying in bed having mini panic attacks about all the "what ifs" and how does this online college stuff work because I never went to college until I was 22 and things have changed a lot since I graduated. But I was told, "don't worry and quit hovering" so I tried not to interfere.
Suddenly there is a crisis. Now who gets to fix it? Oh, that would be ME because writing is not as important as fixing this problem. BUT what I don't like about this is I ASKED A MONTH AGO ABOUT THIS STUFF and there WOULD BE NO PROBLEM if people hadn't pooh poohed my concern.
And that includes the PHYSICIST. So this is my mini rant. I am not happy about this situation. I am wondering what else hasn't happened. I have lost hours of sleep over this and I really didn't want to deal with this while I am working on my revisions, but that's life. Kid first, writing second. That's just the way of it all.
Nora Roberts said there are glass balls and rubber balls that we juggle. Glass balls include family and kids and real life issues. This is a glass ball that I have to keep in the air.
Dusting? Laundry? Those are rubber balls. Guess what? Neither are getting done today.
What are you juggling and keeping in the air when you're not writing? What stops you? Oh, and how do you get back on track? I do it by telling myself I MUST WRITE 3-4 hours minimum per day. I will complete that task even if I have to go past my usual STOP time.
What's your solution to life interferences?
Friday, November 12, 2010
Rewards & Positive Reinforcement--Even When You Don't Succeed
I didn't grow up in a household where there were a lot of rewards for good behavior. And we sure weren't rewarded for trying to be good either. So I came to this little idea of rewarding myself for not succeeding very slowly.
Apparently cleaning bathrooms after finishing a major project is not considered a reward. This is how well-trained I was not to get something good even when I deserved it for all my hard work.
But that is just stinky. Literally. Who wants to clean house after they've finished a paper, written a book, painted a picture, applied for graduate school, graduated from college, and the list goes on. I've learned to give myself breaks, but I had to teach myself to give myself rewards.
Kelly L. Stone articulated that precept for me at the GRWA Moonlight & Magnolias Conference in Atlanta, Georgia. She gave me a few new ideas about how to reward myself while I am working toward a goal. I came home from the conference and implemented one. A successful author pays herself a quarter every time she meets her word count for the day. I decided to make a Reward Jar and got $20 in quarters to fill it.
Note: It'll take a LOT of those rolls to fill my cutesy decorated tin can!
Any rate, I modified the reward system to include meeting every goal I set for the day as a writer (I might add exercise to that because I have been slacking off--which is a post for another day). So if my goal was to get a submission ready, a contest entry ready, a chapter read in my media book by Kristen Lamb, or my homework completed in the Alexandra Sokoloff online workshop I'm taking then I drop a quarter into the jar every time I meet the goal.
Another thing I've done is reward myself for having tried and failed. As a writer I must put myself out there all the time with query letters, sending out partials, full manuscripts and entering contests. I am not really into the administrative end of this business, so it is like poking a fork into my eyeball to do these things. I'd rather write my stories or blog than do it. Seriously. But the work must be done. The possibility of rejections must be faced.
So here's how I cope. First, I get a quarter for completing the task. Then I devised a system for rewarding myself if I didn't get the answer I wanted (BIG YES or YOU FINALED!!). I pay myself for not getting those answers. Yup. Now these numbers can be adjusted to be coins, less money, more money, Hershey's kisses--you get the picture.
Here's my payment scale:
Rejected Query? $1
Rejected Partial? $5
Rejected Full? $20
Didn't Final in a Contest? $5
So last week I didn't final in a contest. BOO. That stinks. I was down in the Personal Pity Party dumps. But then I remembered I got to pay myself $5 for not finaling. That brought a smile to my face. Yay! I put all the money I pay myself into a pretty box on a shelf in my office. It's up to you where you put your money (or Hershey's kisses). I am saving the quarters till I have too many to count, rolling them and putting them in the box as well.
What am I saving this money for? Anything to do with my writing--nice dress for an awards ceremony, shoes, dinner with writing friends, etc.
Now if you're not a writer and you're pursuing another goal or dream, you can modify this little reward system to suit your dream's not-so-happy days. For instance, if you are trying to get into university you can pay yourself for every application you send (a quarter cause those apps are expensive), for every study session you take for the SAT/ACT, for every interview you go on, for every college you tour, and for every good grade (say a B or better).
But hey? What if the college doesn't accept you? What will you pay yourself for trying so you'll try again?
See? This system takes the sting out of not getting what you want and gives you motivation to try again.
Try it. In fact, give yourself a quarter for reading this blog today!
Apparently cleaning bathrooms after finishing a major project is not considered a reward. This is how well-trained I was not to get something good even when I deserved it for all my hard work.
But that is just stinky. Literally. Who wants to clean house after they've finished a paper, written a book, painted a picture, applied for graduate school, graduated from college, and the list goes on. I've learned to give myself breaks, but I had to teach myself to give myself rewards.
Kelly L. Stone articulated that precept for me at the GRWA Moonlight & Magnolias Conference in Atlanta, Georgia. She gave me a few new ideas about how to reward myself while I am working toward a goal. I came home from the conference and implemented one. A successful author pays herself a quarter every time she meets her word count for the day. I decided to make a Reward Jar and got $20 in quarters to fill it.
Note: It'll take a LOT of those rolls to fill my cutesy decorated tin can!
Any rate, I modified the reward system to include meeting every goal I set for the day as a writer (I might add exercise to that because I have been slacking off--which is a post for another day). So if my goal was to get a submission ready, a contest entry ready, a chapter read in my media book by Kristen Lamb, or my homework completed in the Alexandra Sokoloff online workshop I'm taking then I drop a quarter into the jar every time I meet the goal.
Another thing I've done is reward myself for having tried and failed. As a writer I must put myself out there all the time with query letters, sending out partials, full manuscripts and entering contests. I am not really into the administrative end of this business, so it is like poking a fork into my eyeball to do these things. I'd rather write my stories or blog than do it. Seriously. But the work must be done. The possibility of rejections must be faced.
So here's how I cope. First, I get a quarter for completing the task. Then I devised a system for rewarding myself if I didn't get the answer I wanted (BIG YES or YOU FINALED!!). I pay myself for not getting those answers. Yup. Now these numbers can be adjusted to be coins, less money, more money, Hershey's kisses--you get the picture.
Here's my payment scale:
Rejected Query? $1
Rejected Partial? $5
Rejected Full? $20
Didn't Final in a Contest? $5
So last week I didn't final in a contest. BOO. That stinks. I was down in the Personal Pity Party dumps. But then I remembered I got to pay myself $5 for not finaling. That brought a smile to my face. Yay! I put all the money I pay myself into a pretty box on a shelf in my office. It's up to you where you put your money (or Hershey's kisses). I am saving the quarters till I have too many to count, rolling them and putting them in the box as well.
What am I saving this money for? Anything to do with my writing--nice dress for an awards ceremony, shoes, dinner with writing friends, etc.
Now if you're not a writer and you're pursuing another goal or dream, you can modify this little reward system to suit your dream's not-so-happy days. For instance, if you are trying to get into university you can pay yourself for every application you send (a quarter cause those apps are expensive), for every study session you take for the SAT/ACT, for every interview you go on, for every college you tour, and for every good grade (say a B or better).
But hey? What if the college doesn't accept you? What will you pay yourself for trying so you'll try again?
See? This system takes the sting out of not getting what you want and gives you motivation to try again.
Try it. In fact, give yourself a quarter for reading this blog today!
Fabulous Friday Blog Roll
This week I am celebrating group blogs I reward myself with after I meet my writing goals.
1. Romance Magicians: I'm a part of the Southern Magic blog and love to read their stories.
2. Seekerville: Really inspirational group of authors.
3. Petits Fours & Tamales: Great book reviews, charity events, and more inspiration for me.
4. The Blood Red Pencil: To feed my writing brain with good info.
5. The Writing Playground: Heart of Dixie authors with fun posts.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Writing and Reading and Writing and Judging
The weekend zoomed by for me. First I had to get DD off to the lake with her friend. Then DH wanted to go to a movie and dinner with me (I was reluctant, but went, and glad I did). TERMINATOR/SALVATION... oh so yummy in so many ways are the males in that movie. Hugh Jackman has competition now!
I also judged my contest entries. I think in my zeal to keep one writer encouraged, I gave too high a score, but I did my best. I'd rather err on the side of too much than too little. The second entry I judged was fantastic. I was impressed with the story, the writing, and the professional synopsis. I finished the last contest entry today. Interesting story, very lyrical, and lots of potential. But I couldn't score the hero as I didn't know who he was. Too bad!!! But she is a talented writer and will do well once she gets her hero placed in the first few chapters.
I also read through my CP's children's MS after she sent out a 9/11 for input. It's due back to the editor/publisher tomorrow and might be picked up for a series. It was so well-written. Very few errors, and she is such a talented and humorous writer. I hope it works out for her! Woot to my friend. Crossing fingers, toes and knees for her.
I started to day with a long walk/talk with my two neighbors. Exercise is essential! When I returned, I sat down and knocked out the 13th chapter! Finally!! Chapter 14 is started and I hope to knock it out and push out the beginning of Chapter 15 as well. The plan, barring an unforeseen stupid major interruption, is to finish the MS by Friday afternoon. Then I park it till I have solid requests.
I want to move on. I also want to get ready for my friends to visit, and I want to enjoy some of my summer with the family (though the way things are right now--worrying about money and buying a car for a teen and college for same teen--maybe I might be better off just staying in my hole and writing--or getting a "paying job"). I do wonder why I do this as I am NOT paid and I do have a kid to get through college (tho' DH has a fabulous job and career, it always seems like we can't have it all--and part of the deal for me to move to a small town in the south was to be able to TRAVEL AWAY from it--don't see that happening if we're buying cars and so forth).
Oh well. In 3 years I'll be an empty nester and that will be worse as far as how much I will miss DD. And writing doesn't cost me much: just contest entries, paper, ink, time, and brain sweat. This too shall pass.
The RWA Conference is in 6 weeks. I have editor/agent appointments (I HOPE STILL ON THE BOOKS) lined up and I am nervous. Of course, this isn't a make or break deal. I plan to query and submit as soon as I get back home from the conference (well as soon as school starts, most likely). I am excited about going. It makes me feel legitimate. Real. Well, real except for the whole no money bit... did I mention buying a car and college tuition???
I am in a bit of a funk. I want to support my DD and make it all perfect for her. But I don't want to lose sight of my hopes and dreams either. I hope it all works out. College didn't seem so daunting 3 years ago. Now it is looming. That and the car, well, it's hard to justify not using my time and talents (and I use the word "talents" loosely) for a career that guarantees money.
But I WANT to write. It's what I am supposed to do. It's who I am. It's all I ever wanted. I don't think I was meant to do anything different. Life just happened and delayed the inevitable.
Darn it. Why is all so complicated?
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