Who I Am & Who I Will Become

This is a blog I posted last year. I'm reposting it because it is my birthday and this pretty much sums up who I am. I hope you enjoy it.

I have a saying to get through the bad days and moments which was "It is what it is." And that's all well and good because it means I accept the circumstances for what they are and quit fighting. But that's not enough for me. I realized this week that I'm better off saying "It will become what it will become--I will become who I become."

Then I realized that the past, mine in particular, has uniquely shaped me for the career I want to claim. My writing career is largely shaped by what I've overcome, learned, and will continue to learn. I used to think if only I had not been sent on wild and crazy detours due to life, the circumstances I had to escape, and the education I had to delay.

Not anymore. I may not have an advanced university degree with all sorts of letters behind it, but I have something of equal or even greater value. I have a PhD in overcoming obstacles. Big ones for me, not so big for others.

And I'm so grateful for the lessons and emotions and experiences I've had because they shape the characters of my stories. And for kicks and giggles I've included my three favorite shots from eons ago. I feel they show all my sides and I just love the dress.

Here is a quick rundown:

*born in the Netherlands to two people who survived Japanese Concentration camps in the 1940s. Neither of them were equipped to parent but they did the best they could.
*Canadian National Science Fair 3rd Place at 13 with project about Pattern Recognition
*figure skater for 8 years, alto sax player/second chair
*grew up in Northern mining town & experienced daily bouts of bullying because I "used big words"
*semi-photographic memory, advanced reader, IQ high but never revealed to me by parents due their own feelings of inadequacy
*"bad girl" in high school long before I did anything "bad"
*smoker, back of the bleachers party girl, skipped school and forged my teachers' signatures on attendance sheets
*ran a mini-crime ring in forging teacher's names for other "bad" kids--got caught
*spent 10th grade English in VPs office due to arguing a test question with teacher and winning my point
*on my own at 16 due to difficult home life
*high school dropout
*worked in daycare, arena concession stand to make ends meet
*worked in diner
*waitress, gas jockey, maid
*drove without a license
*ice fished, snowmobiled, cross country skied
*got my GED, learned how to sign for deaf/blind people in hope of going to college for free as interpreter
*lived in Northern Manitoba, Winnipeg, Vancouver

Taken at the top of the Sears Tower in Vancouver. So serious. 

*dated dangerous men, nice men, French men, Russian men, firemen, policemen, concert promoters, musicians and poets
*wrote poetry, loads and loads of it
*once wanted to be a foreign journalist
*once wanted to marry the Man from Atlantis--wrote an entire series about it long before fan fiction existed on the Internet
*read John Steinback, the Hobbit, the Lord of the Rings when I was in the 4th grade, reread them all later
*read Ginsberg, Kerouac and wished I'd been born in time to be a Beatnik
*kissed a French boy along the banks of the Seine when I was 13
*kissed a Physicist along the banks of the Seine when I was 30
*married young, grew up with the Physicist, made a beautiful baby
*traveled to Europe, ridden the Fast Train, been weighed on a witch's scale and deemed not a witch
*the Teen and the Physicist believe I am strangely psychic--my dreams are often prophetic
*I fly in my dreams. I want to fly in reality.
*I'm terrified of fire, drowning, death
*I almost drowned on my first anniversary--the Physicist saved me
*I was threatened by a bully with a lighter in the 9th grade. She wanted to burn my hair off my head. She had accomplices. I kicked her and ran away. She grew up and had a terrible life. I grew up and have a great life. Bad Karma is a bitch.
*I almost died 3 times due to anaphylaxis
*I never wear a watch, but I have an uncanny awareness of time.
*the Physicist married me before I had a college degree. He didn't know I could cook, but I can and I do it well.

I love this shot. Very dreamy/

*I graduated with a 4.0 Summa Cum Laude Bachelor of Science degree in Elementary Education at the top of the Dean's list.
*I never taught.
*I've worked in radio and television
*I was a part-time model--I was the Sunshine Girl of West Vancouver
*I have camped in the Redwood forest and in the Dordogne
*when I make up my mind to do something, I just do it. If it becomes boring or routine I stop.
*writing is the only thing that doesn't bore me
*my paternal grandfather was a biologist for the World Health Organization as well as a practicing doctor
*I got an A in pre-med genetics. Only 2 people got As
*I have an uncanny ability to diagnose diseases and illnesses
*I'm more serious than people think I am
*I'm more playful than people think I am
*I don't trust easily, but I am very trustworthy. If you tell me to keep a secret, I will. There are secrets I will die keeping
*I believe in many truths. My main belief is do unto others as you would have done unto you. I have broken this rule as a young woman. And I've seen others break it now. I wait for karma to act.
*I know what it is like to lose someone you love
*I live here in the now, but I am not afraid to sift through the past for there is where real emotion, raw gritty emotion exists, the kind that can strengthen my stories and my characters
*I play to win. Failure is NOT an option.

I like how playful and free I look here. It's how I feel today.

*If someone tries to stop me from winning out of spite, I will draw back, coil in my den, and wait to strike
*never mistake my desire to be kind as a weakness--never
*I was once a dreamy, intellectual little girl who read big books and said big words because the mind was valued in our home
*I was almost drowned in snow banks for being that little intellectual girl. I know what it is like to feel cold snow melting on your skin while you're desperately gasping for air and there is no one, no one to help you.
*A boy in the second grade used to chase me and punch me in the stomach daily. I put my book underneath my jacket and he punched me and broke his hand.
*I learned to be a "dumb blonde"
*When I was in university, if you came up to me after a test, I could give you all the questions on the test verbatim as well as my answers.
*I worked as a night aide for a lady with Parkinsons disease. She told me her love story every time I came to sit with her. When I got engaged, she gave me her silver gravy boat which she had received for her wedding over 50 years earlier. I still have that gravy boat.
*I'm a dreamer, but I'm practical and serious. I believe in myself, but I also believe only hard work and tenacity will get me to where I want to go. But I WILL BECOME WHAT I WILL BECOME!!

If I, a person who started with so little could come so far and find such joy and a wealth of opportunities, then I'm proof that anyone with a little luck, some tenacity and brains, can succeed.

Follow your hearts, mine your pasts, become who you will become.

Buzz Buzz Busy Bee Needs to Get More Energy

As I progress further down the road toward my ultimate goal of publication, I have discovered that my energy needs a boost. This writing thing takes a lot of creative energy. There are certain drains to my creative energy. These are my current creative energy drains:

1. Anything Tech--last week I had to go over building my web pages with Florina Craven of THINK FLOW DESIGN. I'm so glad I am NOT trying to build  one myself. This requires way too much energy and stops the creative flow.

Lesson: Delegate stuff you hate doing to people who love to do it!!

2. Anything Family: My family is super important to me. I like spending time with the Physicist and the Teen. And the Teen is graduating so there are a lot of holes to plug and t's to cross and i's to dot. This is HIGH PRIORITY. But it is energy draining. My solution? Write when they're not around or go away to write. They can't drain me if they can't find me. It's not selfish. It's self-care. But when I am with them I am fully with them. I'm not disengaged.

Lesson: Schedule writing time to fit your lifestyle demands.

3. Emails/phone calls/social media/blogging all drain my creative energy. I'm easily sucked into the social media world. It is my "water cooler." But I have to put into place rules to maximize the benefit over the energy lost. This means setting a timer, only tweeting and doing status updates during writing breaks, and blogging less. I also don't answer the phone unless it is the school calling. I make phone calls after I'm done working FOR THE DAY. Not during breaks. It is too easy to get sucked into a conversation that lasts too long. The only calls I make during the day are calls which are required by the office hours of medical offices and insurance companies and I schedule them for Mondays. I call them "MEDICAL MONDAYS." Fortunately, haven't had too many of them lately. I am also blogging less. Stay tuned for less of me on the blog and more of me writing books.

Lesson: Use a timer and set a schedule which puts you in charge of social media and phone calls.

4. People. I love people and I have a lot of energy, but I can get drained as well. So I have to pick and choose who I am with and when I am with them. I give myself mini breaks and hang out with non-writing friends between projects and on the weekends. This is a better way of recharging my life.

Lesson: Say no when people want to take up your writing time. Say yes when you have time to socialize. Be in charge of your time and own it.

5. Health. If I'm not exercising and eating right I become grumpy and surly. I need to do both to be a better writer.

Lesson: Take care of yourself or you won't be able to write. Make time for your health. Schedule workouts and plan healthy meals.

It's not rocket science. It's called making your life and your body and your writing a priority for you. And yes, life happens. It does. This morning I had to set aside my goals because the Teen needed help with a printing issue. That's okay. I immediately rescheduled my writing time and will still put in the hours I need to put into the writing later.

Final Lesson: Be flexible and learn to go with the flow and rhythm of the day.

What drains you? What do you do to combat the drains?