Retro Blog: The Outside World Presses In-First Aired April 22, 2013

I signed my first publishing contract with Entangled Publishing's INDULGENCE line a little over a month after I wrote this blog. The only thing that has changed since I went from being an unpublished writer to an author with a contract is that I have real deadlines. The demons are still here. The questions and doubts still surface. The job is still very solitary which, for an extrovert such as myself, can be difficult. How can we overcome these realities? Read on:

Writing is a solitary profession. Period. Yes, we can meet with our writing colleagues at meetings and gather at conferences, but for the most part we act alone. No one can write our books for us. No one can revise our first drafts for us. And no one can force us to query or submit even when we are filled with doubts about achieving our goals.

Published or unpublished, we all fight demons. For the published authors there are real deadlines. That's great. Puts a fire under one's bottom and presses that author to work.

But me? No one is waiting for me to meet any deadlines right now. So I have to set my own deadlines which, to be honest, have been shifting daily due to outside world pressure and different expectations of myself as a writer.

I'm working hard, but real life has pressed in and I've had to fight for my writing time. Occasionally, I have to surrender to the outside pressure because it's immediate and important and intrinsic to the well-being of my family. And every interruption to my schedule impacts my ability to get back in the chair and diligently pursue a publication career.

And then there are my own demons. Personal ones that every writer, published and unpublished, struggle with all the time. Am I good enough? Have I really got what it takes to write well and write much? Did I say no to an opportunity only to lose the one chance I might have had to be published? Did I start too late? Is the story I'm working on right now good enough? Am I wasting my time? Am I wasting my family's time? Will I ever get paid for sitting here at this computer for hours on end to generate stories and ideas and more?

Do I care about the answers to these questions? Of course I care. However, I live in a delusional, imaginary world so I propose my own answers to these questions all the time. I need to otherwise I might quit. And if I quit, I reject myself.

Here are my answers: I become a stronger writer every time I sit down to write. I am a self-motivated and self-disciplined person who has the drive to work hard and work smart. There's more than one way to get published, and I'm not shy about looking down every avenue. I have a wealth of experience to draw from whenever I sit down to write a story. My current story will become better as I continue to revise it and mold it into shape. If I am happy doing what I am doing, the time I put into it doesn't matter. My family is proud of my endeavors and they support me just as I am proud of their endeavors and support them. I will get paid for generating these stories because I have a plan of action which I am actively pursuing every day.

How do you beat back the world pressing in? How do you fight the demons of doubt and despair?

Today, in 2014, the questions have changed a little, but my worries are about the the first book I've sold. I don't even care about the money part of this book selling. I care about reaching an audience of readers and my story resonating with them. I hope that I will touch a person's life in a positive way. I care about the characters in THE MAVERICK'S RED HOT REUNION. I love their struggle to find each other and discover home. And if their struggle to deserve each others' love and their ultimate happily-ever-after creates a deep connection with readers, then that is a measure of the heart of the story.

On this day I still answer my questions and fears and doubts much the same way. 

I become a stronger writer every time I sit down to write. I am a self-motivated and self-disciplined person who has the drive to work hard and work smart. I have a wealth of experience to draw from whenever I sit down to write a story. My current story will become better as I continue to revise it and mold it into shape. If I am happy doing what I am doing, the time I put into it doesn't matter. My family is proud of my endeavors and they support me just as I am proud of their endeavors and support them. I will get paid for generating these stories because I have a plan of action which I am actively pursuing every day.

And because I am willing to open my heart and share an emotional journey with my readers,  my stories will resonate in their hearts, too.

How do you answer the questions you have today as a writer?

Fate, Fortune Cookies, and Faith

I got what we writers like to say is "The Call." In my case it was an email. And I was sitting in my trusty Ford Escape getting ready to go to my morning Zumba class when it arrived on my iPhone. So what did I do after my new editor at Entangled Publishing sent me the email that stated my manuscript was approved?

Frankly, I trembled. It was unbelievable, surreal even, after all these years of seeking a home for my stories.

I emailed her back-thanked her so much and then I forwarded it to the Physicist and my critique partners, Sharon Wray, Karen Johnston, and Pam Mantovani. Sharon and Karen have worked with me since 2006 and they're talented writers whom I value beyond measure. Pam and I met through a contest that she was coordinating in 2009: the Maggies for the Georgia Romance Writers RWA Chapter. I finaled that year and the following year I wooed her to become my category romance writing partner. We haven't looked back. She's an incredible writer, a fantastic critique partner, and a dear friend.

I would not be the writer I am today if fate had not lead me to these women. Our relationship is special and I love them all.

Fate also lead me to a fantastic writing group. The Romance Writers of America. My first manuscript was requested by an editor at Harlequin and then rejected. Rightfully so. It was a hot mess and I needed to learn a lot. But in that rejection, the editor encouraged me to join RWA. So I did. Then I found Karen and Sharon and then I found more writing chapters with my subsequent move to Alabama. Southern Magic, Heart of Dixie, Music City Romance Writers and Georgia Romance Writers of America have given me so much support throughout these long years. Fate also led me to a fantastic group called GIAMx4 (Goal in a Month) after I emailed the loop's creator about a PRO post. Amy Atwell is a dynamo and I adore her for including me in this group. They are so good to me. Finally, fate also sent me a multi-published author who literally took me by the hand and said she'd read the first three chapters of the book I just sold because she knew how hard it is to get published. I finally plucked up the courage to send her this book and she fell in love with it. Though it didn't suit her publishing house's line, it lead me down an interesting pathway. And her faith in my writing kept me going when times got dark and I wanted to give up writing for a shopping vocation.

But I couldn't quit writing because then I would be--as Sharon so wisely and gently said--rejecting myself.

This brings me in no clear way to Fortune Cookies. For some reason I like saving certain fortunes that come in the cookies. I've kept two in my jewelry box for at least four years. I used one in my short bio because it suits me to a T. I kept the other one because it describes my internal motivation. Here they are:

Your ability to find the silly in the serious will take you far.
Your skills will accomplish what the force of many will not.

There were days when I'd open my jewelry box to get my hoop earrings and heart necklace and I'd read these fortunes just to jump start my day and keep my motivation going.

I came home and showed the College Kid the email who then promptly hugged me three times in a row (a record!) and said she was proud of me. I still get all weepy when I recall that moment. Then it was off to PF Changs because the day I sold to Entangled Publishing, the Physicist and I had already arranged a SWG with one of our favorite couples at the restaurant to catch up. SWG stands for Scotch Working Group. The servers there keep The Marine and The Physicist's  favorite scotch on hand and know them by name. So one minute I was signing a contract and the next I was off to eat Chinese and hang out with friends while the College Kid started fooling around with my Tumblr account to make it look better.

When the Marine and his wife learned the news they were very excited. But really? I was so dazed, I was almost overwhelmed. They insisted on me tooting my own horn a bit. So we had a big piece of cake on the house (because the server was happy for me after they told her I had sold a book). After we ate the cake (which was super yummy and completely sinful) the fortune cookies arrived. We each opened ours and I'm saving them all in my jewelry box. Here's what they said:

You will receive a surprising gift very soon.
You should have a talk with a friend today.
Treasure what you have.
A small gift can bring joy to the whole family.

Somehow, in the dim glow of the low lights at PF Changs these fortunes reflected my entire day. I loved that moment when each member of the table read their slip of paper, then handed me their fortune.

Their friendship leads me to Faith. I could not have gotten to this point without the company of faithful friends and without faith in something greater than me guiding my destiny. My family, my dearest and oldest friends (two who read the first ill-fated manuscript and encouraged me to go forth), my new friends, my Zumba Sisters, my writing friends, my awesome critique partners, the mentors and teachers who have guided me (Mary Buckham, Dianna Love, Margie Lawson, Michael Hauge to name a few), the published authors who have given me so much encouragement--all of them have filled my internal faith jar with hope for the future.

And I have a real faith jar. Years ago someone gave me a prayer jar. You write down your prayers on slips of paper and date them, then you put them in the jar and let them sit there. When things change, you check the jar and pull out the prayers that have been answered. OK, so now I'm crying as I write this because this weekend I pulled out two slips of paper. Here's what they said and the dates they were written:

I  pray that someone will publish my works 2005
I pray for strength to write strong even when I'm not published. 2012

The top of my jar is inscribed with the following words:

Faith is the substance of things hoped for... Hebrews 11:1

It's been a long journey from that first tiny slip of paper to today's new slip of paper. The journey's not over, it's just different. I'm making new connections and finding new friends who are in this extraordinary world that I've just entered. But I'm so glad that the companions I have known throughout my life will be cruising on this pathway beside me. They are why I have the courage to sit down to write stories which believe in the power of love binding two hearts together.